Let's Talk About...Posibilities

Let’s talk about possibilities, shall we?

I started an exercise program this morning. Nothing super exciting. Just a half an hour every morning in the apartment complex’s small gym. A little bit of walking the treadmill, a few minutes on the cycle, and, when they set them up, some time with free weights.

The thing is, I’m a bit… well, not to put too fine a point on it… overweight. There, I said it. I’m fat. And I don’t want to be anymore. Fat, that is.

Part of the reason is, like many things in our lives, my past. The past influences many things in our lives, for better or worse. I’ve had my share of past events influencing my life for the worse, believe me. Now it’s time for the past to influence me in a positive way.

In the late 70’s, I joined the Army. (Yes, I’m really that old…) Now, it’s important to realize that I was not, in any shape or form, an athelete before I joined up. My idea of exercise was getting out of bed in the morning. Still is, until my new exercise routine takes root.

So, here I am, fresh off the bus, as they say, and nowhere near as “in shape” as many of my fellow trainees. And we’re off… for a mile long run. The only time that I had ever run a mile before was when the local bullies were running after me, and that was fueled by adrenaline and fear. So, I did the only thing I could think of to make it through the run. I asked the Drill Instructor to put me at the lead position of the formation.

Why? Because I’m one stubborn SOB, that’s why. The best way to get me to do something is to tell me I can’t do it. Then, I’ll do it, just to prove you wrong. So I knew that being at the front meant not only that I was leading, but that the thought of all those others behind me would motivate me to not quit, no matter what. 

And it worked. I made it. Turns out that was good, because later I was part of a unit that began every day with a twenty mile run. Yes, that’s not a typo. A twenty mile run. Every day. And I even, sort of, enjoyed it.

If you would have told that pimply-faced 18 year old that, in less than a year, he would be running twenty miles a day, he would have thought you were crazy. He would have put that thought into the “no can do” category. He would have filed it under “can’t”.

But I could. I did. Not only twenty mile runs, but functioning in temperatures of 60 below zero, or in weather of 110 above, in full chemical gear, which is like wearing twenty raincoats at one time with a couple more draped over your head. Or, going 72 hours without sleeping. Or … or… or… all the other crazy things I did that I never thought I’d be able to do.

Part of the way my past has influenced me is that I never heard the word “can”. (Well, that’s probably an exaggeration, but… in principle, true.) I heard the word “can’t”. “You can’t do that.” “You can’t succeed.” “You can’t make something of yourself.” “Why can’t you be like…”  Can’t. Can’t. Can’t.

I had a great deal of things filed under the category of “can’t.”

But, after my military basic training, I began training for a unit that was a little (OK, a lot..) above the “ordinary.” (No, it wasn’t the Seals. I was ARMY… being all I could be…) It took dedication. It took resolve. It took pride, intregrity, and guts. (I suppose that made me a “pig”?) It took determination. And even with those things, at least 50% of the people trying failed. Not failed because they couldn’t pass a test. They failed because they quit. They failed because they filed the experience under the “can’t” category.

I almost did that myself. I was full of “can’t’s”. And I almost “can'ted” myself out the door. But then a kind hearted instructor took me aside and said something that changed my life. It’s still changing my life. Maybe it can change yours. 

He said, “Son, I hear you say “I can’t” too much. You end up doing it, but this “I can’t” attitude is going to be the death of you. Here’s a word of advice. KNOCK THE T OFF THE “CAN’T…”

Knock the T off the can’t? What does that spell? CAN

CAN.

I CAN run that hill. I CAN swim that river. I CAN make it 3 days without rest. I CAN find my way back from the woods using only a compass and a map. I CAN. I CAN. I CAN…

Fast forward about 30 years later. Here I am, a veteran with “Severe PTSD with Major Depressive Disorder.” Here I am, with a Tramautic Brain Injury. Here I am, with severe back and knee injuries that DO limit me. I have to set reminders on my phone for me to take a shower. To take pills. To write these blog posts. But I do it. I do it… because I CAN. I do it because I knocked the T off the CAN’T.

I have no idea what you may be going through at this point in your life. I have no idea what your past has been like. I have no idea how deep the pain of the past and the fear of the future runs in you. I have no idea.

But I DO have an idea. Here it is. KNOCK THE T OFF THE “CAN’T” (I bet you knew I was going to say that, right?) 

Whatever circumstances you face that beg you to quit and whimper “I can’t”… whatever pains from your past threaten to pull you down into a deep, dark pit of despair… whatever fears of the future make you want to pull the shades and hide in your room… look those in the eyes, look YOURSELF in the eye… (Yes, that requires a mirror, unless you’re truly special…) and KNOCK THE T OFF THE “CAN’T”. Tell youself “I CAN.” 

There’s a favorite line from a movie that I just love. It’s maybe a bit racist, but maybe not… in any case, I don’t intend a racist meaning by it. It’s a line uttered by Johnny Depp to Danny Trejo… “Are you a MexiCAN’T or a MexiCAN?” The question applies to all of us, regardless of whether or not our nationality ends with a CAN… what is the defining word of our lives? Am I an AmeriCAN or an AmeriCANT? 

CAN’T?

Or CAN?

Knock the T off the “can’t”… and see how high you can soar.

Be blessed.

Let's Talk About Secrets

Let’s talk about secrets, shall we?

Secrets. We all have them. And we all hide them.
We all hide them, because secrets are, well, secret.
We don’t want people to know them.
And hiding the secrets takes a great deal of emotional energy.
The problem is, when it comes to emotional energy...
We only have so much… just a limited supply.

We feel drained. We feel tired. We feel empty.
Just because we’re working so hard to keep our secrets secret.
Just because we’re worrying about who might discover them.
It’s tiring.
I know. I’ve been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt.
(And worn it far too many times…)

Imagine what life would be like if there were no secrets.
Imagine how much more energy we would have if...
We were not so obsessed with secrets.
Imagine what we could do...
If we were not so obsessed with secrets.

Here’s a thought...
“When everything is known...
Nothing is feared…"
What does that mean?

If I have no secrets...
If my life is an open book...
If I have evolved past the pain of the past and the fear of the future….
Then I don’t have to have any fear of people discovering my secrets.
Everything is known!
Nothing is feared!
I’m not afraid of you knowing my secrets….
Because I don’t have any!
I’m free!

Why are we afraid to be an open book?
Why do we want to keep our secrets secret?
There’s many reasons, but one reason is a big reason...
It’s a manifestation of our shame based identity.
You know what I mean...
We’ve been taught to be ashamed of so many things….
Our weight...
Our habits...
Our looks...
Our smells...
(Even though all of those are natural. Except maybe habits…)

We’ll talk more about a shame based identity in the future.
For now, if you’re up for a challenge...
Tell someone just one of your secrets.
Not a big one.
Just a small one.
See how they react.
I’d be willing to bet all the money I have (Which isn’t much, I tell ya…)
That they will be much more accepting than you think they’ll be.
And that shame based identity will start to fall away...
One secret at a time.

Am I suggesting that you pour your life out to strangers?
Tell people you know everything about you?
Of course not.
I AM suggesting that we slowly and steadily begin to open up.
I am suggesting that we tell the shame to get lost!
I am suggesting that we relish the freedom of fighting off the fear.

Are you tired of being tired?
Those secrets weighing you down?
Try it. You might like it.
When everything is known….
Nothing is feared.

Be blessed...
Don

Of Wolves, Angels, And Devils

Let’s talk about wolves, angels, and devils, shall we?
But first, I apologize for my absence of writing for a few days.
Business, writer’s block, laziness… what can I say?
But I’m back, for better or worse.

So, what do wolves, angels, and devils have in common?
Not much, really.
Except that, in some way, they all illustrate a battle that goes on inside of us.
It’s the, well, I’ll say, supposed battle between good and evil, light and darkness, yin and yang...
However you want to put it.

So, let’s talk about wolves, shall we?
You've probably heard the story about the Native American boy watching two wolves, a white one, and a black one, fighting it out. The two wolves are about evenly matched, and no clear winner is evident. So, the boy asks the grandfather, “What’s the deal with the two wolves? Which one is going to win? They’re both equally matched.” And the grandfather answers, “That’s easy. The wolf that wins will be the one I choose to feed."

So, the two wolves represent the white and black within us. The dark and light. The yin and yang. And, according to the morale of the story, whether we choose to “feed” the good, or the evil, will determine which one wins. We “feed” one or the other by what we put in our minds, what we choose to focus on, and so forth. At least that’s the prevailing wisdom.

So, let’s talk about angels and devils, shall we?
We've probably all heard of, or even seen, in movies perhaps, the concept of the “angel on one shoulder, devil on the other”. The angel whispers in our ear, (the RIGHT one, of course!) and tries to get us to do what is, well, right. The devil whispers in the other ear, trying to get us to do what is, well, LEFT after the right choice is discarded. Again, the classic battle between good and evil, according to the prevailing wisdom.

But what if the prevailing wisdom is wrong? What if we do not serve our own best interests by fighting this seemingly never ending battle between the light and the darkness in us? What if the answer is something else?

Here’s the truth; we, you, me, and everyone else… we are a constant mass of contradiction, an enigma wrapped in a puzzle and bound up in a conundrum. Yes, we’re all like that. We all, at any given times, have a wide variety of feelings, emotions, opinions and actions inside of us. We feel conflicting emotions. We can be happy and sad at the same time. We can be a wonderful person, or a terrible one, sometimes at the same time. We can be an angel. Or we can be a devil. Again, sometimes at the same time!

We can have deep faith while feeling deep doubt. We can be a crusader for equal rights for all, yet still harbor deep, dark prejudices. We can extend the hand of friendship while holding the club of revenge behind our backs. We are, it seems, neither angel nor demon, neither dark nor light, neither yin nor yang; we are, it seems, both. And that’s not only fine, that’s actually good.

The white wolf/black wolf-angel/devil choice is really a false dichotomy. It’s a fake choice. It’s a spurious comparison. Here’s the question; WHY waste time and emotional energy (of which we have just a limited amount) fighting between light and dark, trying to be one or the other, when the reality is, both have their good points and bad points? Both are useful, at different times. Both, like everything in the Universe, serve their purpose.

I have PTSD (but PTSD does not have me!). There are some negative things about PTSD. Hypervigilence is one. That means always having my “head on a swivel”, always scanning my environment for dangers, most of which aren't really there. It’s not the best thing to struggle with. But it has saved my life. Not only in combat situations, but in civilian life as well. I've avoided being struck by vehicles because I’m always watching, always scanning. It’s a negative, this hypervigilence, but it can be a positive, as well.

Perhaps the GOAL isn't to maintain a superiority of one over the other, light versus dark. Maybe it’s a waste of time to try to be either a superhero or an arch-villain. Perhaps the wisest goal is to realize that we have both tendencies within us, and they both serve a purpose, and the best use of our time and energy is to bring good and evil, light and dark, yin and yang into a state of cooperation so that we can expend our energy on working towards a common goal. A good goal. A positive goal.

How? Well, I don’t have that answer right now. I’m working on it. I’m realizing that I have both good traits and bad traits in me, and instead of working to elevate one over the other, I’m just working towards figuring out the answer. I’m just… oh… wait…. perhaps that IS the answer. Perhaps that is the answer.

Peace be upon you.

Let's Talk About...Ships

Let's talk about ships, shall we?
You know, the kind we all wait for to "come in"?
It's really another aspect of "When/Then" happiness....
"I'll be happy WHEN my ship comes in. Then I'll be happy."
Aside from the obvious problem of When/Then happiness, (it never really happens...) there's the problem of WAITING...
If all we do is wait for our ship to come in, we're going to be waiting... a... long... time...
Some people wait all their lives.
Some people even do it based on religious convictions.
After all, doesn't the Bible to say to "Wait on the Lord"?
But does this mean we should just sit... and wait?
No.
It means there's a time when we SHOULD take action.
But we have to be wise in discerning WHEN that time comes.
Waiting, either "on the Lord" or "for our ship" isn't going to do a bit of good if we're not willing to ACT when the time is right.
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.
I remember, back in the early 2000's, (and man, does that seem like a long time ago?) I went through some unfortunate times.
Not only was I dealing with some severe medication issues, but my life's work, a drug and alcohol halfway house I founded had to be closed. The 9/11 attacks had dried up my funding sources.
I was depressed.
Real depressed.
Very depressed.
So depressed I was having thoughts I really didn't want to have.
The kind that said "The world would be better off without you."
I didn't want to listen to those thoughts, so I put myself in the VA hospital for a tune-up. A mental health tune-up, so to speak.
One of my fellow inmates, uh... I mean patients.... was a very successful man. A very wealthy man. And also a very vocal atheist.
Of course, in my mind, I was thinking, "That's just great. Here I am, a guy that's dedicated my life to helping others and doing what I'm supposed to do and believing what I'm supposed to believe, and I have nothing. And here's a guy that let's everyone KNOW he doesn't even believe in God, and he's got... everything." 
Why?
I could've been all pious, and reminded me of all sorts of Bible verses, but my thoughts went in a different direction.
He was successful because He DID something.
He didn't wait for someone else, not even God, to do it for him.
In contrast, too many people sit on their, well, you know, and wait for God, or someone else, to do it for them.
It doesn't work like that.
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.
To put it bluntly, so often we fail to achieve because we're sitting on our rear ends and waiting, instead of standing up and doing something. 
I had a friend years ago who was fond of saying "Do something! Even if it's wrong, do something!" I really didn't understand him back then.
But I do now.
Do something.
Even if it's wrong.
Why?
Because it's action.
If it's wrong we can fix it later, but at least it's action.
Success takes action.
God, the Universe, Life, whatever you want to call it... rewards action.
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.
I'm reminded of two fisherman, out in a rowboat on a large lake, watching a huge storm bearing down on them. One asks the other, "Shall we pray, or should we row?"
The other guy answers, "Let's do both..."
Action.
And faith.
Faith is good too.
But faith demands action.
If we're feeling stagnant, if we're feeling stuck in a rut (which is just a grave with the ends knocked out...) if we're feeling frustrated....
Maybe we shouldn't wait for our ship to come in.
Maybe we should swim out to it.
Peace be upon you.

Let's Talk About... Happiness...

Let's talk about happiness, shall we?

Are you happy? Right now?

I hope you are, because, chances are, if you aren't happy right now, it may be difficult for you to ever be happy.

Why?

Sadly, many people base their idea of happiness on a "When/Then" happiness.

Have you ever heard, or said, or thought, these things?

"I'll be happy WHEN I make $100,000 a year. THEN I'll be happy." 

"I'll be happy WHEN I live in a 4 bedroom house. THEN I'll be happy."

"I'll be happy WHEN I graduate from college. THEN I'll be happy."

"I'll be happy WHEN I'm no longer sick. THEN I'll be happy."

I'm sure we could all add our own examples. We've heard them. We've said them. We've thought them.

Here's the problem with When/Then happiness. It never comes. There's always another step to go. 

When you make $100,00 a year, you'll be happy WHEN you make $200,000. THEN you'll be happy. 

When you graduate from college, you'll be happy WHEN you earn your Master's. THEN you'll be 

happy. We're always raising the bar, and never jumping over it. 

When/Then happiness just doesn't cut the mustard.

WHEN is the time to be happy? The time to be happy is right now! The time to be happy is right 

now, regardless of your situation! 

I know someone, who shall remain nameless (because I'm nice like that...) who truly believes that 

70% of her life has been "hell". Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. But she perceives it that way, and 

because she perceives it that way, it affects everything she does now. It affects the way she thinks. It 

affects the way she speaks. It affects everything, really. It results in When/Then happiness, which is 

no happiness at all.
I was in a social situation a few nights ago, and was speaking with a woman who works in social 

services. In the course of the conversation, I learned that she once lived in a coastal Oregon town. It 

clicked for me, at that moment. I asked, "Did you once work for a woman's center in that town?" She 

answered, "Yes, I did." I said, "I think you rejected me for the Executive Director position in around 

1997 or so..." She looked at me, and answered, "I remember that! What a small world!" It turns out 

we'll probably be good friends, in spite of that...

But I thought about my life at that time. I was living in a borrowed, very small "floathouse", literally

 a small house built on logs floating in the water. My entire income was a $101 per month disability 

pension. My days were spent picking up cans to help "make the ends meet." But... I was happy. I was

 happy, because, as Abraham Lincoln supposedly said, "Most people are just about as happy as they 

choose to be." (But, like George Washington said, "Don't believe everything you read on the 

Internet.") 

I chose to be happy. That doesn't make me some kind of super spiritual guru. It just means I learned 

a lesson, and decided it was a good one. I decided that happiness is NOW, not When/Then.

Please don't settle for When/Then happiness. It's a trap. It's a mirage. It's a lie. Consider choosing to 

be happy NOW, regardless of your situation. Don't learn the sad lesson that, if you can't choose to be 

happy NOW, it may be difficult for you to be happy LATER. After all, now is better than never, isn't 

it? 

Peace be upon you......